The misconception of a good relationship

by Mira T.

Finding "the one"

I've noticed many of us create the idea of "the one." We need someone to validate our existence, to make us feel important, needed, loved. 

"The one" is a fictional character. We create it because we need to feel complete. We create it because dealing with ourselves, alone, is tough work. We choose someone who we believe will be able to fix us or to fill some of our missing parts. We do this without even realizing it. To all of that, we add high expectations about what the other person should represent.

As long as we need someone else in order to feel complete, every "one" we meet will only be a reflection of our hopes and fears. We project our needs on our chosen person but projections are not reality.

 "The one" can be only one person. And that person is you. It's funny how we choose to look to another person to fulfill us, instead of looking toward ourselves, instead of looking for ways to feel complete without another human being validating us.

The more we look for ''the one," the more we fear our own presence.

We need to be in search of ourselves, not in search of another person. 

A good relationship begins and ends with ourselves. When we establish a good connection with ourselves, we will truly be able to welcome someone into our lives and create a healthy, strong relationship with another person.

Who or what is ''the other half?"

I was never quite able to understand the expressions, "He/she is my other half." or "I'm looking for my other half.” Another person can never represent half of you. When two people both looking for their missing half find each other, it doesn’t automatically equal two people whose needs are met. It’s still two people who are looking for someone else to make them feel whole! How can we expect another human being to make us feel whole, to complete us in such a way?

The more we try to find our "other half," the more distant we become from ourselves.

What we may also find is that when we have a weak connection to ourselves, we're attracted to people who have a bad dynamic with themselves. Sometimes when we're in a dysfunctional relationship with ourselves, we create dysfunctional relationships with other people. In fact, every relationship we have is a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves. That's why there will never be an "other half" to complete us. No one will ever be able to complete us the way we can complete ourselves.

If we're looking for our "other half" in somebody else, that means we feel half of us is missing. Whenever that happens, because it does, the best place to start looking is within ourselves, not in others. We should take a good look at our personal world to rediscover, feel, experience, and learn what we're missing and why. The more we focus on our own relationship with the world around us, the more complete we become. 

When it comes to relationships, two halves don't make a whole. Two halves will always remain two halves.

Mira T.