Hair Me Out
By: Camille Ogoti
Thumbnail Image By: Camille Ogoti
You know that feeling you get when you’re a freshman in university
and on your first day, you sit in a lecture hall
and 10 minutes into it you realise you’re in the wrong room,
so you interrupt the whole class as you leave,
and the lecturer asks you what’s wrong
and the pin-drop silence that follows makes your stomach
knot up?
Your brain goes into overdrive and you feel like you need a PowerPoint presentation explaining the situation?
Well, that’s the feeling I get sometimes when I have to explain to people I interact with from day to day when they ask about my hair.
Navigating spaces where my hair is what takes up a lot of my daily conversations is among the many things I had to get used to after moving to a European country. Before that, this aspect had never crossed my mind.
Hair me out.
A bunch of weekends in the year are spent combing through YouTube hair tutorials. After spending an exhausting number of hours of what can only be referred to as upper arm workouts, the last thing I wanna hear when we meet on Monday is, “I see you changed your hairstyle again but this style doesn’t suit you.”
Thank you for inviting me to that barbeque to soak in the beautiful Berlin summer vibes. But I didn’t want to spend an hour explaining myself to your acquaintance when they decide to ask, “If you love your afro texture, why do you use hair extensions?” and “Is Rihanna’s and Beyonce’s hair real?”
Please just google it.
Oh, by the way, giving me suggestions like “If I had your afro hair I would …” No afro hair, no opinion. And yes, I did dry my hair using a straightener. My hair does this magical thing called shrinkage during colder months. So, that is your answer to “Why isn’t your hair growing longer?”
I didn’t mean to cancel the last-minute plans when you asked me to go swimming with you and your friends at the lake. I did an overnight oil treatment because the summer heat dries my beautiful strands out like the Sahara. So, “Do you really need 7 hours to wash your hair or are you avoiding me?” isn’t what I expected you to say when I explained that to you.
Hair me out.
I cherish my lunch breaks during my stressful days at the office. My having to tell you I’m offended after you said “I heard if you take your braids out your hair doesn’t look pretty anymore” definitely rubbed me the wrong way. So, I gave you a lecture on why every level of that is wrong. It wasn’t the ideal way to spend my lunch break.
After an intense workout at the gym, yes, I do wash my braids, though not all the time. I gently cleanse my scalp with a special mix of apple cider vinegar to prevent the braids from unravelling.
I have to invest in my natural hair products. Natural hair girls have boxes where we store our excess hair extensions, silk headscarves, oils, conditioners (oh, we need a LOT of that), gels, brushes, combs, curlers, etc. I hope that answers your “How much stuff do you need just for your hair?” I get to choose who I want to be for the week. I know last week I had red braids, but this week I wanted rock my bantu knot out.
Yes, I know that “The hairstyle you have on your dating profile doesn’t match what you have on right now.” I’m not trying to catfish you. I can’t keep changing the pics on my dating profile on a weekly basis. I swear my face matches what you see (minus the filters and makeup plus I was having a good hair week.)
Hair me out.
On the off chance that the moon and stars align, I will let you touch my coils. On a good day, I will answer your curious questions.
On my black girl magic mood, I will send you posts to educate yourself on my hair.
Don’t get me wrong if sometimes I’m not in the mood to present a PowerPoint presentation on my head about all your questions. I admire curiosity without a sarcastic undertone to it. And when I do answer you, please just hair me out.